Tag Archives: friendships

Open house

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This weekend my oldest daughter and four of her friends came to stay with us from Vancouver Island. It was a full house. This reminded me of my childhood house in Toronto.

We always had people over. I can remember, on several occasions, bringing an entire waterpolo team to stay at our place. Sleeping bags laid out side-by-side covered most most of the basement floor space. My mom would buy 3 or 4 dozen buns, cold cut meats, and drinking boxes for everyone.

After I left for university, I lost my bedroom to my youngest sister. So summers at home meant sleeping in the basement. By then we had two beds down there and often my sister’s boyfriend would sleep down there in the other bed. There were nights I’d come home after midnight and attempt to go in one bed and someone, one of my sister’s friends, would be in the bed. Then I’d see someone in the other bed, and head up to sleep on the couch. I’d leave the next morning early, not even knowing who used the beds the night before? This seemed normal. We took in house guests like strays… giving them shelter, and feeding them.

Before that, when I was still in elementary and junior high school, I’d come home some days and my friends were already over eating cookies and milk or watching tv in our basement. They would get ‘home’ before me, and make themselves at home. In fact, my mom would leave the front door unlocked and friends wouldn’t even knock. They knew it was an open house, and they would come in and declare their presence, saying ‘hi’ to my mom in the kitchen, our shouting towards the stairs that they were visiting, to let my mom know they were there. Sometimes my mom would just yell back to them to help themselves to a snack, not even coming down the stairs to greet them.

Our house was open, our fridge was open, even the dinner table was open. We were a family of 5 then 6 after my 3rd sister was born when I was 14, but my mom routinely cooked for more… not knowing if one or two of our friends were staying for dinner. We were not wealthy and this was definitely a strain on my parents, but as kids we didn’t have a clue about this, and neither did my or my sister’s friends.

We just knew that the doors were open and our friends are always welcome. While my wife and I certainly weren’t as open as that, it’s also a different time. Still, with our girls now both in their 20’s, they both know our house is their house, and friends are always welcome. I really like that.

14 years ago

I shared this on my Pair-a-Dimes blog, May 13th, 2009:

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Sometimes you can’t just take baby steps, and you’ve got to commit fully to experience something…

I’m leaving my job, my home, and my country.

I have just accepted a Principal’s position in Dalian China for September. My wife will be teaching at the school and my daughters will be attending it. We weren’t actually looking for different jobs, they found us several years after my wife and I had applied to a number of International Schools for teaching positions. A path opened up before us… it wasn’t the planned path, but it was certainly worth investigating.

I can’t describe the turmoil my wife and I went through deciding whether or not we should uproot our family, and leave great jobs, friends and colleagues that we care about. Then finally we asked ourselves a simple question, “If we don’t do this, will we regret it later?” The answer was ‘Yes’.

And now that the decision is made, I am so excited about the new adventure!

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My close friends, my principal, and my assistant superintendent were told about my plan before publishing this, but I know it was an unusual way to share such information back then. Nowadays people expect to hear about things like this on Facebook or on other social media platforms, but that was far from the norm in 2009.

I remember an acquaintance saying to me at a meeting a week later, “So I had to read your blog to know you were taking off on us.” This perturbed me a bit because first of all we didn’t have the relationship where I’d be ‘informing’ him of this news in the first place, and secondly, I was sure he never read my blog and it was either shared with him or he just heard about it.

That was a different time. Looking back, and reading the comments I realize that I had amazing connections from my district, the province, and the rest of Canada, the US, South America, Australia, New Zealand, and China commenting. But I had many people in my district that thought it was completely weird that I’d share something like this on my blog. Meanwhile outside of a small but amazing group of local friends, it was my blogging and tweeting community that was genuinely excited for me.

They also stuck with me, reading and commenting on my blog and sharing in my China adventures.

I often say that I live my life without regrets, but if I had just one it would be that I wish I had travelled more when I was younger. This China trip opened up a world of experiences and holidays that I never would have had if my wife and I hadn’t realized how much we would regret not taking this trip.

My oldest daughter just finished an 8-month assistant teaching job in France and is currently holidaying in Greece, having just left Croatia, and is having exactly the kind of experience I wish I had at her age.

There’s a saying, that says, “No matter where you go there you are.” And I totally understand this sentiment… you can’t run away from yourself. But international travel creates contexts, experiences, and exposure to cultural differences that opens up your eyes and expose you to opportunities to grow in a way that’s hard to do ‘at home’.

We couldn’t have had the opportunities we did as a family had we not taken the plunge and moved to China… I would do it all over again if I had a chance!