Tag Archives: connections

Somewhere in between

Leave a reply

There is somewhere in between hard science and woo-woo science where consciousness sits. There is a space between evidence we can see and unknown connections that are not yet explainable, but will be one day.

We talk about coincidences, synchronicity, and even dumb luck to try to understand relationships between unlikely events. We’ve all heard stories of people ‘just knowing’ things they shouldn’t know, or being aware when something happens to a loved one far away. It happens. It’s unexplainable.

Some people will profess that it’s divine intervention, others will talk about energy fields, still others will proclaim psychic powers. There are as many theories as there are experiences that promote them.

I think that consciousness is inherently connected. I think that we don’t yet understand how? We can’t understand how to either harness or observe the connections, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. Without a radio, I can’t prove to you that there is music being transmitted on multiple frequencies around you right now. Without sensors, I can’t prove to you that the sun hits you with ultraviolet light.

We don’t have consciousness sensors yet. But that doesn’t mean we aren’t being bombarded by waves of consciousness all the time. Maybe the holy men of the past were just tuned into a frequency that we aren’t able to see or hear. Maybe intuition is a kind of a weak consciousness radio receiver?

Somewhere between current science and wacky woo-woo wanna-be science there sits a currently unknown and undiscovered understanding of consciousness. We see glimpses of of it, but don’t have the knowledge to explain it.

Rich conversations

Leave a reply

It’s amazing how good conversations with people you love and care about can help you through a day. It reinforces that we are social beings and that we require connections to sustain us.

I am someone who appreciates my alone time. I like solitude, and I’m much more of an introvert than people might think I am. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that I value and appreciate time with family and friends. Liking solitude isn’t contradictory to enjoying rich conversations. Being an introvert doesn’t mean that I don’t want to build strong connections to others, I’d just rather not do so in larger social situations. 

I have a friend who can go into any social situation, make connections with people he just met, and have a rich conversation that go well beyond discussing the weather, occupations, and general family updates. He can find common ground and start to instantly develop rapport and develop a relationship with people he barely knows in minutes. That’s not me. In a large setting, I’d rather find one person I’m comfortable with, maybe two people, and have a more intimate conversation rather than sharing things in a group. Both approaches are valid, they are just different. Both are about the same thing, which is making and maintaining connections to others.

At one point I used to have these kind of rich conversations on Twitter. I found like-minded people who I’d connect with and then we’d slide into direct messages and get to know each other. I’d go to conferences and connect to people I had never met face-to-face, and I’d feel like I already knew them. I no longer do that with social media. Now I use social media to connect to people in my life already, as a means to add one more layer of connection. My daughters get sent different things than my wife, which is different from what I share with my best friend, which is different from what I share with my uncle, and again different from things I share with my mom and sisters. In each case adding another avenue to build connections I already have. 

Then there are text messages, phone calls, FaceTime, and even Zoom. In each case I’m building up a connection to keep the conversation going with people I care about. I’m looking to develop richer connections, richer conversations… essential to maintaining my wellbeing and my bonds that sustain me when I can’t always see people in person.  

 

 

Going beyond ‘Reconnect, Reminisce, and Repeat’.

Leave a reply

I got away with a buddy to go fishing for a couple hours on Wednesday. It was part of a bigger day together, and we didn’t fish for long, or catch anything. But we connected and had an adventurous day. Good food, good company, and good scouting for a future fishing trip.

It’s one of the things he and I talk about, which is the idea of connecting for experiences. When you don’t see a good friend regularly, it might be easy to ‘pick back up where you left off’ and feel connected. But it can also feel like that’s all you do… Reconnect, reminisce, and repeat.

We didn’t plan a whole day of fishing, we took advantage of the resources and time available to us and made the most of it with a new experience. We didn’t just talk about the things we’ve done or hope to do, we had an excursion. Too often we think planing and organizing needs to be a drawn out part of connecting, with an event planned on some distant future date.

Last night another buddy texted to see what I was up to and just over an hour later I was sitting on his balcony. Then we walked to a delicious dinner. This was so refreshing compared to, “What are you doing next week Friday?”

Plans don’t need to be big, and novelty and newness make for great experiences. Also, last minute plans can be so much more fun than the bigger, much more planned events can be. Novelty keeps the experiences new enough that they become the things we talk about years from now.

Mind-body connection

Leave a reply

Sometimes I spend too much time in my head. To anyone that knows me, this is not a surprise. It started young. I could spend hours with my imagination and not get bored. In some ways it’s a superpower and in others my Kryptonite.

One of the positive byproducts is that in high stress situations I can keep my calm. I can sit ‘in my head’ and assess things without really raising my anxiety. This has been something that has proven quite useful.

One of the negative byproducts is that sometimes I miss things, I lack awareness or even emotion. I can be distant and unaware. Sometimes that unawareness extends to my own body. I don’t feel a mind-body connection. This can be challenging in a couple ways. Emotionally it can mean that I feel my emotions in my head, more like a thought than a feeling. Physically it can mean that I don’t know how to focus my strength in a workout, and I don’t necessarily feel the muscle I’m trying to work on.

I think these are things I can improve, and I do, but change is slow, and I don’t always want to put the effort in. I more often than not just prefer to live in my head. This can make it challenging for me in new social environments. It’s also what helps me not worry about what others think and allows me to be myself.

Still, if there are a couple places that I could definitely improve, they would be a better connection to my body, and to others… basically better engagement beyond my head.

Nature bathing

Leave a reply

We have a small ravine behind our school. There is a well kept trail through this tiny piece of nature surrounded by a school, industrial buildings and residential complexes. Yesterday after work I went for a walk around the very short trail. After 12+ years in this building I’m realizing how rarely I visit this space. I have a little piece of nature nestled right against my school and I almost never take advantage of it.

There is power in nature bathing, in surrounding yourself in trees and getting away from the noise of the city. Getting away from the digital calendar, and email, meetings, and all those ‘other duties as assigned’.

Don’t believe me? Just turn up the volume and listen to this recording for 20 seconds.

Did you hear the birds or just the water? Listen again. Think about what 5 minutes of this could do for your day.

I’m going to find myself on this trail a little more frequently in the last few weeks of school.

Family owned businesses

I’ve worked in the same building for 12 plus years. We have a pizza place that’s a 5 minute walk away that I have gone to for a slice or two of pizza more times than I’d like to admit. The two brothers that own the place are salt of the earth kind of guys.

Yesterday a great kid from my school was there when I was picking up a slice, and I teased him a bit telling one of the brothers to watch out for this one, ‘He’s a troublemaker’. The kid got a little more embarrassed than I thought he would, and so I let him know that the pizza guy and I have known each other since he was in diapers. Ok, maybe that just added to the embarrassment, and might not have been the right approach, but the point was, I knew this guy well enough that we were both in on the joke.

I just love walking into the store and connecting with these guys. We are well past the usual customer relationship and I’d call them friends. We chat about our families, our jobs, and holiday plans… And we have a fun banter, especially when my students are there. Although, that’s rare because I’m usually popping in just before or after our student lunchtime.

Still, what I enjoy is that the pizza place is a family run business that is a an important part of our community. In an era of big box stores and fast food chains, it’s nice to have, and to support, small family run businesses. They enrich our communities and our lives.

Defining and Understanding Community

I call it the most important book I never read. It’s called “Bowling Alone”. I asked Microsoft Copilot to synthesize the message of the book for me:

“The main message of “Bowling Alone” by Robert D. Putnam is that social capital in the United States has been declining since the 1960s. Putnam argues that this erosion of community engagement and participation in civic life has led to a weaker democracy and a decline in personal well-being. He emphasizes the importance of revitalizing social networks and community bonds to strengthen society.”

I say that I didn’t read it, but I tried. It was suggested for a book club I was in 20+ years ago and while the premise is why I call it the most important book I never read, the actual text was very much like a textbook and way too boring. None of us finished it, but we had very interesting conversations about it and I’ve thought about a lot in subsequent years.

I think the message about lost community is more relevant today than 20 years ago. I have lived in the same house for over 25 years. I know my neighbours on either side of me well, but vaguely know the rest of my neighbours beyond that. I don’t live in a community as much as we cohabitate in a common local area.

Community should describe our neighbourly connections not our geographical location. Close community bonds strengthen a society. I think about this as I think about retirement. At some point my wife and I will downsize our home. Where do we move to? To me geography matters less than community. The more specific question to ask is, where do we move to in order to maximize our connections to our friends and community?

The difference between living 15-20 minutes away from a friend versus 45-60 minutes away is the difference between seeing them regularly versus making monthly plans. It’s the difference between living in a community and commuting to occasionally visit and see each other.

In the future I want to create the community that I want, in close proximity to me. I want to cohabitate with my social community, not travel from a place where I cohabitate with strangers to get to my community of friends.

F2F

I just had an hour long conversation with a friend. Now I’m going to drive almost an hour to go work out with him and hang out for a bit before my hour drive home. The phone conversation was great, but it doesn’t replace the opportunity to share time face-to-face.

Tomorrow I’ll meet another friend for our weekly walk and coffee. Those times together have evolved a great friendship into a brotherhood that we would not feel without making the effort to connect so frequently.

I love technology. I had a great conversation today on the phone. I had another great conversation earlier today on Zoom with my uncle. He lives over 4,000 kilometres away and a face-to-face is not possible, so a digital connection is necessary. Zoom lets us still see and be with each other when we can’t physically be together.

I prefer physically being together, but whether physical or digital the idea of connecting F2F with people you care about is not just nice, but actually food for the soul. It’s a chance to fundamentally connect in a way that feeds your wellbeing and enriches your life.

Who do you want to, need to connect with F2F? What’s stopping you from doing so (now)?

Intersections revisited

There are some things I write here on Daily-Ink, and when I read my own writing a month or two later I barely remember or even recognize my own writing. I wrote that?

But there are other things I write and I remember. There is one post in particular that I think about regularly. Tonight on (another) walk with my wife we reached an intersection where we were crossing the road. Perpendicular to us, on the cross street’s sidewalk, were two men who reached the intersection exactly the same time as us. We all slowed down to let each other pass. They were the only other people walking anywhere near us and sure enough we intersected at the one place our paths crossed.

Despite thinking about the following post regularly, I hadn’t actually re-read it in a couple years. I didn’t consciously remember that it also started with a walk with my wife, but what I do remember, what I reflect on when it regularly happens, is that we are somehow drawn to these intersections.

~ ~ ~

October 27, 2021

Human intersections

Last night I went for a walk with my wife. Minutes from home we were walking on a quiet, empty street that doesn’t have sidewalks. Then a car approached from in front of us. We started to move to the side of the road, and noticed car lights coming from behind us as well. The cars crossed paths right where we were on the edge of the road, having had to slow down to cautiously make space for us and the other car. Then we continued our walk with no cars approaching us from either way until we arrived home.

I find it fascinating how we seem to be drawn, pulled to intersecting points with other people. For the amount of times someone walks by our house, or the front of my school when I arrive before any students, I’m amazed how often I have to wait for a pedestrian to walk cross the driveway before I can make the turn… amazed that as I wait, I can see no other pedestrians for an entire block.

In a car you are turning left and must wait for the one car coming the other way to pass.

At a shopping plaza you go to open a door to a store and the one other person in sight is coming through the door the other way.

On a path in a park, you are walking faster than the people in front of you, and as you go to pass them, other people are approaching from the other way crowding the path at your takeover point.

I think we find ourselves at these intersections at a rate that is greater than probability would suggest… The likelihood of such intersections happen far more than just by chance. Like magnets passing one another, there is a pull towards others, an unseen force that draws us into each other’s path. It isn’t a case of bad timing, it’s not that we are unlucky and forced to slow down, wait, or squeeze by someone else. It’s actually just the opposite. We naturally seek each other out on some unconscious level. We are drawn to human intersections.

It was special

The reason we gathered wasn’t a happy one, but we took the opportunity to gather.

I became a teacher in 1998, and I joined a staff where 14 of 28 of us were brand new with another 2 teachers that had less than a year’s experience. It was Como Lake Middle School, and over the next 9 years I worked with an absolutely incredible staff.

We learned so much together. We had so much fun. When I speak to former students from that era they all share one or more of these quotes:

“We could tell that you liked being teachers.”

“We could tell you were all friends, liked each other, and liked coming to school.”

“We could tell you liked us and cared about us.”

“You guys made middle school fun.”

I thought I’d try high school or another school after 5 years, and I stayed for 4 more because it was too hard to let go of such a fantastic community. These people helped sculpt me as an educator and a leader.

Connecting with them yesterday reminded me of what an amazing group of people I ‘grew up with’ as an educator.

I feel blessed to know these people.