Is it just me?

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How different things are now than they were just 3 months ago!

You would think by now I would have figured out some good routines but I really haven’t. I feel caught up at work, then not two days later I feel swamped. I have a morning ritual I follow, then suddenly my whole routine feels up-side-down. I eat well and take care of myself, then I binge on junk and miss a workout.

I work best when I am a creature of habit, when I follow set routines and focus on the task at hand. But right now I can’t find a rhythm. I set things up and follow the plan for 2-3 days then I’m doing something completely different. My systems are temporary. My plans are not realized. I set a goal, then I do tons of things related to that goal, but somehow avoid the work that needs to be done to meet that goal.

It’s not like I’m falling apart. It isn’t that I’m overwhelmed and struggling. On the contrary, things are going well right now in many ways… it’s just that my routines are out of sync. My habits are an effort.  Is it just me, or are others feeling like they just can’t get into a good groove?

Your chance to share:

2 thoughts on “Is it just me?”

  1. Aaron Davis

    Definitely not just you David. As I touched upon in my newsletter:

    Although I continued my sporadic reflections on space, I failed to find the time and mental space to bring together any extended thoughts and ideas.

    Emily Baron Cadloff explains that the reason for our ‘fog’ is that our brains are working so hard in coping with the current crisis.

    Nancy Sin, assistant professor of psychology at the University of British Columbia, says that in stressful situations like this, there are physiological responses in our bodies. “Our stress hormones increase. We prepare to fight or flee,” said Sin. And as this pandemic continues and isolation drags on, “we’re having a lot of these physiological adaptations, each time we feel stressed, each time we feel worried. And over time, these repeated hits, physiologically and psychologically, can accumulate.”

    That accumulation is called the allostatic load, essentially the damage on our bodies when they’re repeatedly exposed to stress. And while it feels like I’m doing nothing most days, my brain is still dealing with the anxiety and strain of this pandemic. I’m exhausted not because my body is working hard, but because my brain is.

    Alternatively, James Hamblin questions whether everyone is depressed?

    Feelings of numbness, powerlessness, and hopelessness are now so common as to verge on being considered normal. But what we are seeing is far less likely an actual increase in a disease of the brain than a series of circumstances that is drawing out a similar neurochemical mix. This poses a diagnostic conundrum. Millions of people exhibiting signs of depression now have to discern ennui from temporary grieving from a medical condition. Those at home Googling symptoms need to know when to seek medical care, and when it’s safe to simply try baking more bread. Clinicians, meanwhile, need to decide how best to treat people with new or worsening symptoms: to diagnose millions of people with depression, or to more aggressively treat the social circumstances at the core of so much suffering.

    I remember when the idea of social isolation was mooted, people were listing all the things they could do with the extra time and space. The reality has been something vartly different. Instead it is a time to be grateful for health and safety.

    1. datruss

      Thanks for sharing Aaron,
      I do feel a bit of cognitive overload, it just usually comes with other feelings besides melancholy. I thought writing this would be a cathartic new reset, but I find I’m still off kilter. One thing I can do to help myself is to reduce the guilt of not getting things on my ‘if only I had more time’ To Do list done… it seems I have good reasons, as do many people around the world, to leave these things undone as we mentally cope with a pandemic.

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