Tag Archives: social justice

What if forgiveness prevailed?

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I think the two most noblest of traits are compassion and forgiveness.
Compassion because it links us to others in a way that we lose ourselves.
Forgiveness because more than any other trait, it can not be faked
and true forgiveness is to see love even in the faults of others.
5 years ago I wrote about 7 sins:
  1. Gluttony
  2. Envy
  3. Pride
  4. Lust
  5. Wrath
  6. Greed
  7. Sloth

And in a concluding post I said that I was going to share 7 virtues. I haven’t done that yet, maybe one day I will. The virtues I chose at that time were:

  1. Love (including Chastity and Loyalty)
  2. Discipline (including Patience, not just Diligence or Temperance)
  3. Empathy (including Compassion)
  4. Integrity (including Honour and Courage)
  5. Kindness (including Charity),
  6. Humility
  7. Forgiveness

I remember intentionally putting Forgiveness last because I wanted to end with the noblest of virtues. I put Forgiveness on this pedestal because I think you can ‘go through the motions’ of the other virtues, but not forgiveness. You can virtue signal, intentionally or unintentionally, with the other virtues and have those virtues develop, but when it comes to forgiveness there simply isn’t an easy way to act it and have it grow. For example, you can do loving things towards someone, and eventually develop a love for that person. You can fake discipline and after a while that practice become disciplined. But if you aren’t truly forgiving, if you have hesitations, then they will be revealed… You can’t fake forgiveness. It doesn’t grow with time. You are either open to it, or you aren’t. You can half love someone, you can’t half forgive someone.

That said, I’ll hold off on discussing other virtues for a future date. Right now I am looking at a world where forgiveness is a lost art. Vengeance is everywhere. People want to say, ‘I told you so’. Social media is all over FAFO. Changing your mind (especially in US politics) isn’t met with compassion, nor forgiveness, but rather finger-waving and anger. The amount of variations of, “Oh sure, you only realize now that it affects your life”, that I’ve heard on social media posts is disconcerting. There is no room for forgiveness.

I understand why. Forgiveness is the ultimate virtue and not easy to attain. It requires love, empathy, and kindness. It is an affront to integrity, and the humility shared by those that did harm seldom seems like it’s enough to warrant forgiveness. Forgiveness is hard to fake and even harder to authentically give.

However, forgiveness is the best way to build a stronger bond than was there before. It is a place where real change can happen. The danger is that is also makes the forgiver more vulnerable to be hurt again. It requires trust. That’s what makes it so difficult to give.

Currently, I see a window of opportunity for real change to happen. I see hurt and disillusioned people openly admitting that they made a mistake. But I don’t see compassion. I don’t see forgiveness. I see hurt creating a gulf between the people who seek forgiveness and those who could, but do not forgive. And while I understand the hurt, while I see the fear of forgiving and being hurt again, I also see a golden opportunity being missed. Where there has been a great divide, there can be agreement. Where there has been opposing factions, there can be common ground. Where there has been arguments and yelling, there can be dialogue and discussion.

At this perilous time I have but one question: What if forgiveness prevailed?

All Alone

“And the waitress is practicing politics 
As the businessmen slowly get stoned 
Yes, they’re sharing a drink they call loneliness 
But it’s better than drinkin’ alone”

Billy Joel, Piano Man

I have always been someone that enjoys alone time. Getting up at 5am and appreciating the quiet of the morning is a comfort for me. But I’m blessed with a wonderful family and I get a lot of social time too. For me, being alone is about quiet time, thinking time, and working out.

For others alone time feels more like isolation. It’s time spent wanting to connect and be with others. Here, the internet is both a tool for good and evil. Some use it to connect, they find groups with interests like theirs and join communities. Others use it to escape loneliness. They can play games, and connect with strangers, watch livestreams, and escape into movies and whole seasons of a tv show. This isn’t always good because it can feed an addiction to things that are really only distractions.

Others are less social and less kind. They are hurt by their feelings of isolation and they use the internet to lash out at the world. Negative comments, hate, and misogyny are ways that they weaponize their contribution to the internet. Their only ‘likes’ are for people who are equally as upset and angry as them. Anyone else feels their wrath.

Their loneliness breeds hate, which is shared in embarrassingly rude comments. Comments which do not add value and actually attack or insult others. The internet becomes a conduit for them to show that they are disgruntled with the world. Some just see this as harmless fun. Others see it as an avenue to vent their unhappiness.

This is fed by ‘influencers’ like Andrew Tate, who embolden these loners and help them feel more aggressive, and powerful, and less like a victim. These lonely followers need an alternative community to join. Countering them and attacking their views emboldens their stance. It’s easy to spread hate when you feel hated. They won’t change because there are counter arguments against them. Instead they need a new place to feel connected and less alone.

But that’s not the way they are dealt with. There is a new approach, similar to what we see when dealing with ‘Karens’. Expose them and ridicule them. No space given for an apology, no opportunity for learning and growth. No, find someone acting mean and ‘out’ them for the assholes that they are.

It’s easy, it feels like justice. But is it? Or is it just punishment? Where is there room for restoration or apology? Even apologies are attacked. No response is worthy. No room for forgiveness. No response to help remove the loneliness and isolation, and so the misguided and disconnected are thrown further into isolation.

How we treat lonely, misguided, unhappy, and alone individuals who are using the internet as a soap box to magnify that they are hurting, this will determine their response. If we become vigilantes it might feel good to us, but then we are only magnifying the problem. We are creating greater isolation and more angry responses. We are feeding the hurt and magnifying the negative response. We are making them feel more alone.

We need to find a different approach. We need to find ways to connect, and to provide a space for learning. We need to find ways to be intolerant to spreading hate, yet still find a place to be kind and supportive.

Like the song lyrics suggest, ‘sharing a drink called loneliness is better than drinking alone’. And if we aren’t sharing that drink, less desirable role models will.