I just finished listening to this book, ‘Educated’ on Audible. It was thoroughly enjoyable and yet hauntingly disturbing. I left a review:

5 out of 5 stars
By David Truss on 2019-11-07
Two stories in one.
This wonderful book is at once the story of a woman escaping the clutches of a broken home, steeped in zealot faith, violence, and mental illness, while also being the story of a young girl yearning for acceptance and love from her dysfunctional family.

I can’t help but feel blessed to have had the upbringing that I had after reading this memoir. What struck me most, besides the horrible way Tara was victimized by her family, was how she kept returning, allowing herself to fall back into such an unhealthy environment.

I struggled to understand the draw, the appeal, to seek out her family’s love and approval when each time she tried she was pressured into conforming into a life that made her feel justifiably tortured. How could she possibly want to try again? And yet she did, and did again…

Tara’s story has helped me understand why an abused wife would go back to her husband, or why an abused child would remain silent. It defies logic. But logic is not the metric at work. In a way it is love, or at least the desire to be loved. In a way it is dependency, or at least the illusion of need, though I don’t have the experience to understand such a need.

Like I said in my review, this is a story of someone victimized by ‘zealot faith, violence, and mental illness’. This triangle of despair left Tara feeling trapped. It should have been easy to leave but it took courage to escape the bonds of family and the desire for acceptance. While Tara was able to escape, I believe that many do not. I believe that any one or two of these traps that victimize children are enough to take hold and imprison that child in a cycle of pain and suffering… to compel them to remain in an unhealthy environment, while someone from the outside ponders why the child would choose to remain in such a circumstance?

From the outside, it is easy to judge, to question, and perhaps even to blame someone for not escaping such a past. But that judgement or blame is undeserving. I am reminded of Plato’s Cave. But I realize that even when someone is able to see that life is more than just shadows on a wall, they might still accept the shadows as what really matters. We cannot easily break the bonds of our childhood and enter another realm. Tara struggled but she escaped the cave. Many do not.