Tag Archives: journal

On fire

Before yesterday, my personal best in archery, on a Vegas 300 score card was a 281. (10 ends, on 3 targets, 30 arrows total with 10 being the highest score of an arrow, whether you hit the X-ring or 10-ring, for a maximum score of 300). I had hit 280 three times and 281 twice. Yesterday I scored a 285.

Today I shot two more rounds. In round one I got a personal best again, and I also achieved one more goal too… 30 arrows all in the gold (scoring only 9’s and 10’s). I thought I would have to practice a lot more before doing this. In the process, I scored a 286. I was on cloud 9!

I took a short break to prep some targets. Then on my first practice arrow back on the line I did this:

It was the ‘perfect’ return to the archery line because it stuck a little humble pie into my growing ego.

Then in my second round, I got a couple 8’s in my 4th and 5th ends. I knew that I was shooting well beyond that, but wasn’t sure how well? My final end started with an 8 after I struggled to keep my bow steady and stubbornly didn’t let down and reset. I was shooting alone and a profanity might have crossed my lips in a rather booming voice. Still, I took a deep breath, reset my breathing, and hit two 10’s to finish off my scoring. I still had no idea what my score was, and thought maybe that last 8 stopped me from tying my 286. I was wrong. I scored a 289.

TWO-EIGHTY-NINE!

A couple stats that I’m blown away by:

1. 22 of 30 arrows scored 10. For perspective, when I shot my 286 I only had 16 arrows score 10.

2. Although I scored three 8’s, my score on those ends were all 28’s, with me getting two 10’s for my other arrows, and those were my only 28’s. All other rounds were 29’s with two 30’s. That means I scored at least two 10’s every round!

Add these to the fact that I scored an all gold round, and I have to say that I’m on fire! I thought I was a month or two away from an all gold round, and many, many months away from a 289. So now my goal is consistency. I’m more focused on another ‘all gold’ round scoring in the 280’s than I am on a 290. That won’t come without consistency, and so reducing the bigger errors now will get me to both ‘all gold’ and 290 sooner than worrying about the difference between a 9 and a 10.

But that’s all in the future, right now it’s time to celebrate. I scored an ‘all gold’ round today, and then I crushed my personal best and got a 289!

Oh yeah!

Writing out loud

For 4 days in a row, I’ve been up before my alarm. This morning it was before 4:30 am. In addition to a bit more writing time, I might also get a bit of email time in… along with my meditation and workout before heading to my school. But also for the 4th day in a row, I started writing a blog post, and more than 1/2 way through decided to erase it and start again. This isn’t a journal that I tuck under my bed, for my eyes only… it’s public. That changes the dynamic of what I want to say.

Monday when I wrote, We are all in the same lifeboat, the original, deleted post was on a similar topic but it was very negative and scathing towards people I call in the post above ‘vaccine hesitant’. It was a full on rant against people who selectively choose the science they want to pay attention to on the fringes. With 7.8 billion people on earth, and social media designed to share attention seeking information, you can find an expert somewhere that disagrees with convention and spreads misinformation. You can find a quotation out of context. You can find data to manipulate in a way that makes it look worse than it is, or use data n a way not intended by the research.

I was listening to a podcast recently that spoke of how much we love the Galileo story. We want to find that story, about the person who sees the world differently than convention… and is right. But while science is dependent on this for progress, these stories are far more infrequent than conventional science being right.

Two days ago I wrote, Thinking Time and Space, and I wasn’t fully honest when I said, “I’m not ready to share the drawing yet, ideas are still being put together. But I can share a couple parts I’ve already written about”. I would have shared the image in progress, or more of it, if it had time to discuss the image, but I wasted too much time writing about an issue that I realized I shouldn’t share. It was some thoughtful writing that took time, but I had no way of masking who I was talking about as I navigated a challenging situation at work… again, some writing that should only be written in a private journal.

Yesterday’s The gift of giving almost didn’t get published, because after writing it I thought, ‘after making the point that giving has a selfish aspect, am I not also emphasizing this in a really negative way by somewhat bragging about giving?‘ But I’d already erased a post I didn’t want to share, and needed to schedule my post and get on with my day.

Today I started to write about a really sensitive topic, and realized that I wasn’t doing it justice. I was trivializing a challenging issue in a way that was disrespectful, to make a point that was completely undermined by my aloofness towards the topic. So I erased it and here I am giving a summary of how hard it is to write publicly sometimes.

I find myself struggling to write openly, while also being respectful to others; Trying to not disclose information about the lives of other people that should stay private; Trying not to rant when something is bothering me; Trying to be personal, but not over sharing.

Some mornings the writing flows, sometimes I stare at the blinking curser and my mind is more blank than when I try to meditate. But the hardest part of writing a daily, public journal is going through phases like this where I actually invest time in writing something, then delete it. For 4 days now, I’ve woken up early only to write and erase something and start over again. I’m not trying to be thoughtful, poignant, meaningful, and/or interesting every single day. I’m trying to be honest. But writing out loud every day can be challenging to do because not everything that comes to mind, and gets written, should be published.

Documenting your life

It occurred to me last night that a daily blog is an interesting way to document your life. It’s not a true journal, like a diary, because there are things I won’t share because it’s public… However it is a document of my thoughts and it opens a door into the things I think about.

I’m basically at a point now where I look back at old posts and some I remember writing and some I don’t. The blog is documenting thoughts I don’t even remember having. Have you ever looked back at a piece of writing and not remembered writing it? It’s kind of a weird feeling.

Kids today are doing this in different ways. They are sharing videos on TikTok, photos on Instagram, and even memories on Snapchat. Yes, even on Snapchat, the app where everything disappears, there is an option to save your video and Snapchat will share your ‘memories’ with you each year, like us old folk see on Facebook.

We are documenting our lives in digital, social spaces. Some of these spaces will disappear over time, and we will lose a piece of our histories. I no longer have my Ning and my Wikispaces memories archived, I can’t even remember some of the names of the apps that I stored memories on, that no longer exist.

But some will survive, some will get archived. While a paper journal can disappear, digital footprints might stick around for a very long time.

Do I keep going?

I was looking forward to celebrating a year of Daily-Ink on July 16th… however, I just checked and my first daily ritual post (this time around) was on July 6th, 2019. The anniversary has come and gone!

Do I keep going?

I think so.

I need to make some changes though. I’m not happy writing for the sake of writing. If I don’t have something worth saying, I don’t want to fill the (public) page for the sake of filling the page. That said, if I skip a day here and there, I know what will happen: I will get busy, I will put writing on the back-burner, I’ll miss more days, and my daily habit will disappear.

I know myself enough to know that if I don’t commit to do this daily, it will not be something I’m consistently doing a year from now.

I know so. I know that I will keep going.

What I might do is skip a day or two, here or there, with respect to choosing to write publicly for my blog. What I won’t do is skip a day of writing. As long as I’m honest with myself and dedicate to writing every day, I’ll be happy. It took a long time to finally get my Daily-Ink going, and now over a year later… I’m not going to stop.

Not so open book

It’s interesting to see how much of themselves people are willing to share online. Intimate family moments like the moment parents ask a foster child if they would like to be adopted. Moments of despair, hoping for human connection. ‘Angry Karen’ moments, though admittedly these are seldom shared by the targeted ‘Karen’. Requests for prayer for an unwell relative. Wedding proposals, break-ups, bedroom/bathroom humour, and embarrassing situations that are personal, and confidential, until posted online.

I’ve never been one to keep a consistent journal, but here I am approaching a year of journaling on my Daily-Ink, and I’ve come to realize that I keep some things intentionally out of this reflective space. Not just things I can not share:

“Many challenges in schools can be summarized as: a) Someone was treated unfairly; b) Someone felt that they were treated unfairly; c) A decision that affects more than one person was deemed unfair. Put another way: actions, perceptions, and circumstances in relation to fairness are imbalanced. The moment I dissect one of these scenarios on my blog, I have the potential to undermine any resolution that may have come out of it. I would be unfair and disrespectful to some of the people involved.”

…not just these things that affect the lives of others, but things that directly affect my personal life. It’s not that I’m harbouring some big secrets, it’s just that I choose to keeps certain personal things personal.

This makes writing hard sometimes, because the things that are weighing heavy on my mind are not things I want to write about… but normally this is where my inspiration comes from. So, I sit looking at my blank screen, wondering what I’m going to write about, and deliberately choosing not to write what comes to mind.

Still, I prefer this to being a completely open book. I think some things are best kept to myself, or in my family… definitely not to be archived in a blog post, or for others, shared in a viral video. In my opinion too many people over share, without thought, simply because they can. I share a lot, but a few pages won’t ever be open, at least not here.

Ink is ink is ink

When I started my daily ink, I really thought I could do a daily hand-written journal and that I could stick with it. But the reality is that despite wanting to live in both worlds: http://daily-ink.davidtruss.com/daily-ink-both-worlds I am very tied to the digital world! I walk around with my phone, I don’t walk around with my journal. I went away on a retreat last week and took my journal with me. I didn’t feel like writing on the long journey, and was fully occupied on my holiday while there… thus no daily-ink. I came back and left my journal in my travel bag, which I just found today almost a week later. Ooops!

I really like the idea of finding time each day to write something even though I’m a slow blogger and will often go a week or two before crafting something for my Pairadimes blog: http://pairadimes.davidtruss.com I also like to post links! I like my ideas to be connected to other ideas. So, with that in mind, I still want to try and continue with my daily ink but sometimes, or rather most times, it will be digital ink and sometimes it will be on paper and hand-written in my messy printing. But the reality is that in some ways ink is ink and it doesn’t matter what medium I use, but in other ways digital print really is different!