Yesterday I sent an email to our students and parents with our updated calendar for next year, and all the year-end and September details they need. Then I sent the email below just to parents:
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Greetings Inquiry Hub Parents,
I just sent a message to you and your child, but I wanted to take a moment and send one just to parents. I have been thoroughly impressed with the resilience of our students during the pandemic. They have put on a brave face and held together at a time when it seems the entire world has gone a little mad. When I see news these days, I often wish the adults would act with the maturity of some of the students at our school! That said, this will be a summer when students might be trying to let loose a little and want to push the envelope as restrictions are lifted. Quite frankly, they deserve the opportunity to have a little freedom this summer… but what that looks like will be different for different students and their families.
One of the biggest challenges that I have found being a parent is that through the teen years there is no perfect balance of our kids wanting more freedom and us wanting less control. Our kids always think they are old enough to do the things they want to do, and we are always worried about letting them make more and more grown up choices on their own… Be it spending their money on things we don’t think are smart, staying out later than we think they should, and everything from alcohol use, to friendships, to boyfriends and girlfriends, to technology use. It’s not easy to figure out, and what’s more baffling is that what works for one kid, doesn’t work for another, even in the same household. Kids don’t come with instructions, and if they did, I am certain they would be translated from another language and hard to follow anyways. 😉
Below I’ve shared two resources that will take a total of 3 minutes of your time. Each will take a minute and a half, the first being a Facebook video and the second being a short read. I hope you enjoy them both, and maybe they might help you the next time you are faced with a challenging moment with one of your children.
It has been a year of loss and challenges for many, and at this time, I hope you all enjoy the time you have with your kids. Mine are 19 and 21 now, and while our relationships are wonderful, I do look back and wonder where the time went? I wonder what more I could have done with them while they were still part of a family under one roof. This is my way of saying, have a safe and wonderful summer with your kids, and as old as they think they are… they are still your kids, make the most of it!
Regards,
Dave
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You are the roller coaster safety bar for your teen.
By Josh Shipp
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Dear Mom and Dad, Please Stick With Me
Dear Mom and Dad,
Please stick with me.
I can’t think clearly right now because there is a rather substantial section of my prefrontal cortex missing. It’s a fairly important chunk, something having to do with rational thought. You see, it won’t be fully developed until I’m about 25. And from where I sit, 25 seems a long way off.
My brain is not yet fully developed
It doesn’t matter that I’m smart; even a perfect score on my math SAT doesn’t insulate me from the normal developmental stages that we all go through. Judgement and intelligence are two completely distinct things.
And, the same thing that makes my brain wonderfully flexible, creative and sponge-like also makes me impulsive. Not necessarily reckless or negligent but more impulsive than I will be later in life.
Please stick with me.
So when you look at me like I have ten heads after I’ve done something “stupid” or failed to do something “smart,” you’re not really helping.
You adults respond to situations with your prefrontal cortex (rationally) but I am more inclined to respond with my amygdala (emotionally). And when you ask, “What were you thinking?” the answer is I wasn’t, at least not in the way you are. You can blame me, or you can blame mother nature, but either way, it is what it is.
At this point in my life, I get that you love me, but my friends are my everything. Please understand that. Right now I choose my friends, but, don’t be fooled, I am watching you. Carefully.
Please stick with me.
Here’s what you can do for me
1. Model adulting
I see all the behaviors that you are modeling and I hear all of the words you say. I may not listen but I do hear you. I seem impervious to your advice, like I’m wearing a Kevlar vest but your actions and words are penetrating. I promise. If you keep showing me the way, I will follow even if I detour many, many times before we reach our destination.
2. Let me figure things out for myself.
If you allow me to experience the consequences of my own actions I will learn from them. Please give me a little bit of leash and let me know that I can figure things out for myself. The more I do, the more confidence and resilience I will develop.
3. Tell me about you.
I want you to tell me all the stories of the crazy things you did as a teen, and what you learned from them. Then give me the space to do the same.
4. Help me with perspective.
Keep reminding me of the big picture. I will roll my eyes at you and make all kinds of grunt-like sounds. I will let you know in no uncertain terms that you can’t possibly understand any of what I’m going through. But I’m listening. I really am. It’s hard for me to see anything beyond the weeds that I am currently mired in. Help me scan out and focus on the long view. Remind me that this moment will pass.
5. Keep me safe.
Please remind me that drugs and driving don’t mix. Keep telling me that you will bail me out of any dangerous situation, no anger, no lectures, no questions asked. But also let me know over and over and over that you are there to listen, when I need you.
6. Be kind.
I will learn kindness from you and if you are relentless in your kindness to me, someday I will imitate that behavior. Don’t ever mock me, please and don’t be cruel. Humor me-I think I know everything. You probably did as well at my age. Let it go.
7. Show interest in the things I enjoy.
Some days I will choose to share my interests with you, and it will make me feel good if you validate those interests, by at least acting interested.
One day when the haze of adolescence lifts, you will find a confident, strong, competent, kind adult where a surly teenager once stood. In the meantime, buckle in for the ride.
Please stick with me.
Love,
Your Teenager
