Tag Archives: disagreement

Small mountains

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We’ve all heard the term, ‘Making mountains out of molehills’, and understand what it means. What we don’t realize is how often we do it. It’s easy to see when someone else does it, but not us. No, our escalated concerns are little mountains. They aren’t mole hills. Other people do that, not us. Our concerns are real… or rather really big.

Except they are not.

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Being a school principal involves a lot of deciding how big to make an issue. Dismissing a problem is only allowing it to get bigger. Overreacting to a small problem can bring too much attention to it and make it bigger.

Being overly supportive of one side of an issue can make the other side escalate the size of the issue. Being neutral can equally exasperate the issue and create a mountain out of a molehill.

An insincere apology can be worse than no apology. Too harsh or illogical of a consequence can be as harmful as being too easy. Because to kids, to young adults learning to navigate the world, their mole hills are little mountains. To them the issues are not small.

But if we’re honest, we think our mole hills are mountains too… and that’s an important point to keep in mind when we get a little frustrated wondering why these little issues seem so big to everyone else.

The difference between a mountain and a mole hill might not be the size of the problem, but simply a matter of perspective. And that’s a perspective worth keeping in mind.

Unnecessary conflict

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When expectations of outcomes are different, there is often unnecessary conflict.

When people are faced with unknowns that worry them, there is often unnecessary conflict.

When there is misunderstanding, there is often unnecessary conflict.

When there is disappointment, there is often unnecessary conflict.

When there is disagreement, there is often unnecessary conflict.

Things don’t go as planned, people don’t always see things from the same perspective, goals often vary from person to person. This is just part of life. Conflict is often built up unnecessarily. Conflict is created by seeing things from just one viewpoint.

Conflict is often optional. A choice. A defence mechanism. Not necessarily desired, but brought on from holding a perspective that is biased or fixed.

At times, conflict is also necessary. And in these rare cases it should not be avoided. Running away from a conflict can create a greater conflict later.

But more often than not conflict can be avoided… it is unnecessary. It results not from need but from misunderstanding, or lack of awareness. Seek to understand, not to be right. Ask questions before making statements. Listen with intent to understand, not to defend a viewpoint. And look for common ground rather than reasons to disagree.

Conflict is often optional.