I barely slept last night. This doesn’t happen often, but if you search my blog for the word insomnia, you’ll see that periodically I struggle with sleep. This time I question if it wasn’t at least partially initiated by my own perseverating thoughts after I had a rougher than usual nights sleep two nights ago. I felt like this was coming on, and couldn’t shake the thought. Did I unintentionally will a night of almost no sleep into existence or was I just feeling it build in my body? I don’t know.

In my years as an educator, most of my absences have been related to back pain, but this morning after staring at the ceiling as the room brightened, I decided that with the lack of sleep the night before compounding a sleepless night, I would would take the day off. Today I had two long naps. The first one was broken, fighting my monkey-mind and restless body, and the second one longer and much more like real sleep. Tonight I’ll catch up on work, and then intentionally go to sleep a little later than usual… hopefully feeling tired and sleeping through the night.

That’s a long introduction to make a simple point. It would have been easy to skip my workout today. But I didn’t. In fact, I think I would attribute my longer, better nap to getting the feelings of restlessness out of my body. I spent 30 minutes with a weighted vest, on an incline, on my treadmill. It was hard enough that I went slower than I normally do and on less of an incline. I didn’t enjoy it, but I did it. I also did a humorous attempt at a meditation where my internal dialogue was so loud, and so lacking in concentration that squirrel brain would be a complimentary description. But I did it. Now I’m spending too much time rewriting my words here, making me realize I should make dinner before attempting to tackle anything related to work… but I’m writing, and I will do some work catch-up before tomorrow.

All this to say that doing my usual routines today has been challenging. And not very rewarding. But there is one key reward that I’m getting out of this and that’s consistency. I’m continuing my habits despite it not being easy to do today. My body and my brain are not allowing me to be at my best, but I’m not allowing me to use that as an excuse. Actually, two good things happened today. First of all, I did get a few hours of solid sleep that have me on a recovery path after a sleepless night last night. Secondly, I maintained my habits. Because the hardest days are the days that really matter. I didn’t need a break from my habits today, I needed to do them despite how hard they were to do. That’s what make them habits and not just things I like to do.