I don’t usually remember my dreams, but I go into cycles sometimes where they stick with me. During these times I wake up repeatedly from the same dream loop. It’s frustrating because the loops are often stressful and I wake up to get out of the situation, then I just go back to sleep and get right back into the same situation I didn’t want to be in.

The one last night had me back in China with my family, but my kids were much younger than when we were actually there. We were at a swimming pool which was also kind of an obstacle course. Imagine a cluttered toy store thrown into a pool.

In the dream, one of my kids was around 2 years old, but a competent swimmer for her age. And in the dream my wife and I kept losing sight of her. We’d go into a bit of a panic, then find her swimming and having fun, then moments later she’d disappear among the toys and we would panic again, and again, and again.

Never once did we find her in danger, never once did she seem scared. Yet every time she disappeared we feared the worst. I woke up at least twice, only to return to the same stupid dream.

Two nights ago the dream was more stressful. I woke up more, stayed up longer, actively tried to change the thoughts I was thinking… and repeatedly went back into the dream. I was in this loop for almost 2 hours from 2:38 to around 4:30am.

I’ve had dream loops like this since I was a kid. They started with falling off of a cliff dreams. I’d wake up with a jolt before hitting the ground several times in a night. They would only end when I saw the body hit the ground face down… then an arm that wasn’t mine would grab the fallen body by the shoulder and turn it over for me to discover that it wasn’t me who fell. That was my queue to let the dream go and move on to a more restful sleep.

I remember in university when I used to deliver pizzas for a summer job. I’d get these reoccurring stress dreams where I had pizzas to deliver (30 minutes or free) and my car would only drive in reverse. I never delivered a pizza late in those dreams, but I’d wake up so stressed about the deliveries, then go right back into the dream moments later.

I don’t know why, for my whole life, almost every dream I remember are these stressful loops? What unconscious messages do they hold? It would be easy to parallel them to stress in my life, but they don’t always come at stressful times. The last time this happened to me I was on holidays.

Two nights in a row isn’t a big deal, but I start to feel the lack of sleep if it goes on too much longer. I need to figure out a strategy that breaks the loop when I wake up. Some method to take my mind somewhere else. Simply thinking different, happy thoughts doesn’t work. Maybe I need to get out of bed, have a glass of water, or do something that is more active than simply trying to think my way out of the loop. I’m open to suggestions.