When I lived in China, if I passed a foreigner, an ex-pat, I got ‘the nod’. It didn’t matter if the person was British, East Indian, Australian, Japanese, or American, they were from another country and I got an acknowledging nod. We were in Dalian, North East China, and of all the foreigners, the Russians were most abundant. The Russians would not give you the nod, even if you gave them one. It was weird.
I got to know a few Russians while in Dalian and they were all very nice, but seeing a Russian stranger on the street, or in a shopping mall, they would give you a quick glance, decide you are not ‘one of them’, and look away. Never the nod.
It’s funny, one of my daughters once asked, “Do you think that they think we are American?” Because we were often asked (in Chinese) by locals if we were American? (Nǐ shì měiguó rén ma?) To which we would answer ‘Canadian’ (Jiānádà rén). Then the person would smile and be even more friendly. My kids picked this up pretty quickly and figured the Russians were assuming we were American.
Here in Canada I get the nod from people of Middle Eastern descent. It happened last night, when I was in a Lebanese Donair shop. I ordered my large, spicy, extra lamb donair, paid and walked along the counter to where I pick it up. Directly in front of me I made eye contact with a young man sitting and enjoying his meal, and he gave me the nod. I returned it with a smile. That was the whole exchange, nothing more. The knowing, ‘you are one of us’ nod.
Oddly enough, I have a Russian grandfather, and my Middle Eastern ancestry is that I’m 50% Ashkenazi Jew. So, the Russian in Dalian that shrugged off without the nod had no idea I actually had heritage, and the Middle Eastern in Canada would probably be surprised to know that my heritage is Jewish. And the Chinese in China had no idea my Grandmother was Chinese.
I’m used to not fitting in a cultural box. As I mentioned before, “I have a look that Italians mistake for Greek, and Greeks mistake for Italian. I am neither.” I am ‘white’ but with a combined heritage of being 75% Ashkenazi Jewish and Chinese, I don’t readily identify as white… other than the privilege I know that I ‘wear’.
But the nod is not about that. The nod is not really about nationality or heritage, it’s about sharing a common experience. It doesn’t matter if the nod is a case of mistaken identity, it doesn’t matter if you are from different parts of the world. The nod is a way that two human beings connect and say “I see you.” And it’s a beautiful thing.
Really love this post Dave. I am always thinking about this idea of Global Citizenship. The nod is such a simple gesture, yet such a powerful way to acknowledge and build connection with others. I too have had this experience living abroad and sending and receiving the nod. When living in another country that is not your country of origin, it does very much feel like 2 groups the citizens of the country and then the ‘Global Citizens’. The global citizen (ex-pat) is a unique type of citizen. One of the things I love about being a ‘Global Citizen’ is the compassion for other people regardless of country, race, religion of origin. It doesn’t rely on historical norms and values of one country that may judge, rather it is an evolving appreciation and empathy for the experience of being the other. Now I am back in Canada as a ‘Canadian Citizen’, I often miss the depth of interaction and discourse of my ‘Global Citizen’ communities. A place where norms and values are evolving. It forced a growth-mindset and not a fixed-mindset. A world where possibilities exist outside what is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. An opportunity for all of us to be better.
I relate to your comment as much as you relate to my post, Shaun! Reading it makes me want to go spend a long time in another country… I can’t imagine doing that right now, but I fell the pull.