Tag Archives: Trump

When I was a kid

I grew up on a dead end street, and there were no kids my age nearby. This was in Barbados, and my grandparents owned a motel (actually rental apartments) on our street. I had a few friends that visited yearly but a lot of summer days I spent either playing with my younger sister or an older cousin when he’d put up with me. Or, I played on my own. I had quite an amazing imagination and could entertain myself for hours.

My swing set was a space ship and I’d visit distant worlds. I had a bionic (6 Million Dollar Man) doll, and a Stretch Armstrong doll that I tried to stretch too far, but could never stretch him enough that he didn’t shrink back to his normal shape. While I played with these toys sometimes, most of my play was in my mind.

For a while I was fascinated by electricity, and this was the focus of my imagination. I remember being told that I would be electrocuted if I got the hair dryer wet and I thought that if I were to drop a hair dryer into the tub I would electrocute the whole world. I actually imagined that I’d put everyone on earth in space ships, and I’d be in the last one to take off. I’d wait until my ship left the ground, then I’d drop a live wire into a tub to watch what happened when the earth got electrocuted. It would be embarrassing to tell you how much I thought about this… if I wasn’t a kid. What does a kid with a big imagination know about electricity? 

I also remember seeing a sunken ship from a glass bottom boat. The old wooden boat had a huge steering wheel on it. This made me think that the bigger the boat, the larger the helm wheel needed to be. That’s just the way a kid’s brain operates. I remember seeing a massive cruise ship and asking my dad how big the steering wheel would be on it, thinking it would be bigger than the car we were driving in. I was disappointed when he explained that wasn’t how it works. 

That’s the workings of a 7 or 8 year old kid’s imagination. Imagine if I still thought these things… what would you think of me? 

When they came out I had to fact check these two videos, looking for multiple reputable sources to make sure they were not an artificial intelligence created farce. 

 

Truth is stranger than fiction

Setting the stage for Part 1: April 24th, 2015

It was 5 years ago yesterday. I remember the exact day because it’s not every day that a DeLorean  appears out of nowhere, flying down your street. There was a thunderous ‘crack’ that echoed through the neighbourhood, and I opened the front door in time to hear the soft rumble of the flying car hovering above our street. It landed and turned into my driveway. The x-wing shaped door on the driver side opened up and I was shocked when none other than Emmett Lathrop “Doc” Brown, Ph.D, came springing out of the car, heading directly for me.

Doc: Are you Dave Truss?

Me: Ummm, yeah.

Doc: I’ve got a USB zip drive, can I use your computer.

Not waiting for a response, he rushed through the door, passing me and headed into my living room. He stood there dishevelled, holding a key chain with a zip drive dangling along with a couple keys next to it.

Me: OK, um, this way.

I lead him to my dining room table, placed my computer between us, logged in and pointed the keyboard closer to him. He shoved the zip drive into the USB slot on my computer. He seemed rushed.

Doc: I’m going to show you something. It’s from the future. Five years from now there is going to be a pandemic as bad the 1918 Spanish Flu and President Donald Trump is…

Me: Wait, what? Donald Trump is President… of what?

Doc: The USA! I tell you there’s going to be a global pandemic in 5 years and that’s what you ask me?

Me: Sorry, I thought you were being serious.

Doc: I am! Shut up and let me finish. President Donald Trump, he makes things a lot worse, I mean A LOT WORSE. But you can stop it.

Me: Umm, you’re nuts.

Doc: Look, here is a video of President Trump 5 years from now.

We watch the video together.

Me: Ok, where are the cameras?

Doc: What?

Me: You are pranking me. I’m on Candid Camera, right? Who put you up to this? Where are the cameras? Those aren’t real goggles are they? You’re hiding a camera in them, aren’t you?

I reach for the goggles on his head and he pulls away.

Doc: Listen, the fate of the world is in your hands, did you not see the video I just showed you, it’s from 5 years into the future, your future, and…

Me: …and it’s a skit from Saturday Night Live!

Doc: What?

Me: Or a sitcom? Or from Late Night with Seth Meyers… it’s a comedy skit. It’s funny, made me laugh. Good one.

Doc: No! No-no-no, this is the future. This is going to happen in 5 years. This is your future, and you can change it.

Me: You’re funny.

Doc: …Your’s an idiot, do you not understand the seriousness of what I’m telling you.

Me: Are you really trying to tell me that ridiculous video is from the future? …And you want me to take you seriously?

Doc: YES!

Me: Hey Doc, if that’s “The Future”, come back and find me then, and I’ll give you a million bucks.

Doc: I don’t want your money, I need your help!

Me: Well I don’t think you are getting either. I think it’s time for you to reveal the Candid Camera cameras, and let’s both have a laugh, or it’s time for you to leave.

Doc: Unbelievable.

Me: Exactly.

Setting the stage for Part 2: April 24th, 2020

Yesterday: I arrived home from work, parked my car and started walking up my front steps… Then it happened. It had been 5 years, but the sound was unmistakable. There was a thunderous ‘crack’ that echoed through the neighbourhood, followed by the rumble of the flying DeLorean, hovering above our street. The car lands and turns up my driveway. The driver side x-wing door opens and a not-too-impressed Doc greets me.

Doc: Hello David…

End.

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“There are people who think that things that happen in fiction do not really happen. These people are wrong.” ― Neil Gaiman

Comedic responses to the video above.