When it comes to organized religion, I struggle with the concepts of an afterlife. I have yet to hear a description that makes me think, “That’s how I want to spend an eternity.”

I have a great way to quickly end the conversation when a Jehovah Witness knocks at my door. My usual response to them is, “I’m comfortable with my relationship to God.” If they say anything else to me I repeat that statement. Only once did the conversation continue and in that case I simply asked, “Are you comfortable with your relationship with God?” And with a ‘Yes’ response, I said “Me too.”

Works every time. Conversation over. They leave happy, I’m happy they left.

The summer before the pandemic I had a Jehovah Witness couple come to my door. I did something dangerous, I played along. This is dangerous because once you engage in a conversation, you are likely to get callbacks. More visits because you show promise. But when I was done, I was very doubtful of another visit.

I talked about millions of years of dinosaurs, and how insignificant human life has been in geological time… and how much less significance the earth has in the universe. I spoke of the injustice of a God who didn’t share his views equitably around the world, allowing false Gods to reign in different parts of the world, condemning people who never heard of Him to hell.

And then they brought up the afterlife. At this point I clarified, “Is it correct that you believe heaven will be here on earth?” And after their response was ‘Yes’ I said, “And you’ll all be naked.”

They looked at each other puzzled, and I continued with this line of thinking: When the rapture happens, and heaven happens on earth, you’ll have the clothing you own and nothing else. There will not be anyone in sweatshops making T-shirts and running shoes. Unless God is in the manufacturing business, clothes will wear out, unless you think heaven is some sort of magical cartoon land, and so eventually you’ll all be naked. Don’t worry, there won’t be any jealousy or vanity, it is heaven after all, but you will be naked for eternity.

The conversation ended soon after. They were pleasant and ended with “God bless you.” My response to this was “By all means, may God bless you, I’m fairly certain after our conversation, your God won’t be blessing me.” A meek smile was the only response.

I don’t know what got over me that day, but I’ll go back to my usual response from now on. Still it was fun to mess with their minds a little. Some might think it mean, but I didn’t go knocking on their door trying to indoctrinate them with my views, they came to my door to do so to me.

I guess I can’t be saved.

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