Tag Archives: communication

3 sides to every story

It was my sister many years ago who said this to me the first time, but I’ve heard it many times since. There are 3 sides to every story: The first person’s perspective, the second person’s perspective, and somewhere in between there is the Truth.

We all want to feel that our experience is the Truth, but in reality we can’t always see where the other person is coming from. Relationships often have perceived truths that limit us from seeing the full Truth that lies in the middle. Our bias doesn’t have to come from malice, it can come from innocent ignorance. But when we see the bigger Truth, when we are reflecting back on a conversation, we can sometimes see our own flaws in perspective if we are honest with ourselves.

When this happens, we need to decide if it is more important to come back with the new Truth (or at least our perspective of it), or is it more important to concede that our truth was wrong, and think about how holding on to that truth affected the other person? Because even at this new juncture there might still be 3 sides to the story. Pause and reflect again. Maybe the relationship is more important than the Truth?

Opportunities not Obligations

Opportunities not obligations

We live in an era of obligations. Even the things we enjoy doing can sometimes feel more like a commitment and a chore. Then on top of that something else always seems to come up:

“No, unfortunately I can’t join you, I have my fitness class.”

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“Sorry, I’d love to, but I’m working late.”

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“I really wish I could, but I already have another obligation.”

While sometimes ‘I wish I could’ is actually, ‘thank the heavens I didn’t have to’, many times things come up that we really want to do, but our busy lives don’t allow it. You might have to turn down concert tickets, dinner, a beverage, or a dip in a hot tub. You really want to do these things but you have no choice but to apologize for not being able to indulge.

Recently, when I’ve provided opportunities for friends to connect, the moment they are unsure or can’t make it I say, “It’s an opportunity, not an obligation.” This does two things:

  1. It removes the need for an apology. No one is being let down. No one needs to feel guilty. You aren’t turning down an obligation, you simply had an opportunity presented and the opportunity is not one that can be taken advantage of at this time.
  2. It removes my own disappointment. It decreases expectations, and I don’t particularly like hearing my friends or colleagues apologize unnecessarily. It leaves me in a positive frame of mind. This opportunity didn’t work, I wonder if we can find another one soon?

You are not obligated to try this out yourself. Feel free to keep doing what you are doing if that works for you. However, you might want to try saying, ‘It’s an opportunity, not an obligation’, the next time a friend guiltily apologizes for not being able to meet with you. You have an opportunity to make that exchange feel better for both of you.

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Update: March 9, 2022 – More thinking on this topic: Opportunity not Obligation revisited

Reducing email

Here is something that I’ve done the past couple years with my staff, to help reduce email.

I have a slide that I present to (all 3 of) my schools in one of the few meetings I have with them all together. This slide, and my description of it, breaks down how to connect with me:

1. Can it wait for a face-to-face meeting? If so, no need to do any of the items below.

2. Call me. I get a phone call, it means come now! This doesn’t happen often, but it happens.

3. Text me. I’m trying to reduce this with #4, but if you need an answer, or would like me to come, without it being an emergency, a text is fine.

4. Microsoft Teams. No more ‘reply-all’ discussions in email! Teams has 2 key benefits to email. First, the conversations are contextualized – I have no idea what’s coming in for email, but when I have a notification in one of my teams, I know the group and topic of the message. Secondly, my teams get priority over the most recent email.

Also, rather that texts, @message me on Teams… I’m going to look here first, before email, to deal with my teams first.

5. Email. Really only used to follow up on emails from outside the teams, such as a parent asking a question or sharing something to be shared with me.

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My final point, I describe a couple very specific circumstances to ‘double-dip’ (such as texting me to deal with a very sensitive email communication that I should address quickly). But, in general I emphasize that double-dipping shouldn’t happen. Choose one means of communication for a specific issue.

What I’m hoping to achieve isn’t less communication with my team, but rather more focussed and timely communication with them. This does not happen when their communication is buried in my email.

Alphabet Soup

Vocabulary is a currency in our world.

Vulnerable learners, English language learners, students with reading and learning challenges, all start with a deficit of this currency.

What are we intentionally doing to reduce this deficit?

We don’t all have to use big fancy words, but if our students aren’t articulate and can’t thoughtfully get their messages across, their futures are likely to be hampered.

Be it learning challenges or environmental challenges (some kids grow up in homes where they aren’t read to by an adult, or lack a variety of books, or struggle with a new language), some kids start off with a vocabulary deficit.

But vocabulary is the currency of communication, and how we are able to express ourselves is becoming far more valuable in our amazingly connected world.